I was scrolling through my endless photos, trying to find a cool photo in my archive to post on my Instagram, trying to keep up. There it was. The only two photos that reminded me of you. The only photos I didn't delete. A dozen of roses you bought me to say sorry and blooming orchids to say sorry and goodbye.
I felt a rush of anxiety come over me. What went wrong? I could only remember the time you took me over all over LA, remembering every detail I had said of places I wanted to go and things I wanted to try. The nights we talked till 4 am. The day you gave me a small black diamond ring and promised to marry me one day. That time my roommates weren't home and we took a shower together for the first time. The San Francisco's sun was actually out and no sign of Karl The Fog. The light shined brightly on your face. You stared straight into my eyes and it was one of those moments where I felt this is it, this is love. You kissed me gently and it's the most vivid memory I have of you... that's good.
I start to remember that you only bought me flowers to say sorry but flowers are very temporary and heals no wound. Only serves as a distraction.
I love you still, in my own odd ways but I prefer to do it at a distance. We still talk every once awhile and it's nice to hear your voice but it's time to accept the love I know I deserve.
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