Falling in love again

Love has been my biggest muse, even before I fell in love. I use to imagine and write stories about how it felt to be touched, kissed, and feel such strong emotions you can't explain fully in words. It got easier when I actually fell in love. 

My boyfriend of four years and I broke up in Febuary. To be honest I fell out of love before we broke up. I was already writing poems of heartbreak and emotional abuse way before the split. The reason I stayed so long is comfort and familiarity. But then at least for me and him it gets so bad that those things don't matter anymore. 

I've been reading a lot things love related. I'm trying to go back to the time where I remember when love was good. I try to write about love but I can't it seems so foreign.

I have dated a few people after my ex. Some guys were really great, maybe I'm not ready to move on. Sometimes I think about my ex and sometimes I can remember the good times. It immediately gets flooded with bad memories. I don't think I can ever erase the memories, good or bad. I think that's the curse of your first love.

All I know is I have to take this time for myself. Falling in love is still important to me and it always will be but I need to take time to fall in love with myself because I never really got to.