Random Thoughts

I'm on my way back to So-Cal and my transfer bus from Sacramento to LA is an hour late. I just want to be in my bed with my dog already like look at him. 

There is this guy at the bus station acting all ignorant on the phone with greyhound representatives. Greyhound don't give a damn! I could of told you that.

While on the bus this guy was getting hella ratchet with the guy he was sitting next to. It went zero to hundred. It sucked because I was starting to fall asleep. But this has been by far my worst greyhound experience ever. (Not like I usually use bad ones but this one is terrible)

I've been googling how to make a Pisces women fall in love with you because I really wonder what it takes, like I don't even know!

Why do I over analyze absolutely everything? But hey I'm usually right so? *shrugs

I hate my job and don't want to go back. It makes me severely unhappy. I don't know how long I've been saying this but I need to quit.

At least I work for three days and then I'm off to Vegas. (Even though I'm dead ass broke as hell)

I honestly don't want to go back home. I just want my dog and somewhere new.

Why is it so hard to connect with people and then let them stick like glue? Maybe that's a good thing, it means I'm not dependent. How am I suppose to develop longing meaningful relationships though? Maybe I wasn't built for that and need to come to terms with that. (Although I feel relativity attached to my SF friends and my friend Janiece)

I do miss my man friend but right now I'm questioning everything like usual. When I feel even a remote romantic feeling for someone or feel like I'm falling I want to run away. (Most of the time it's usually guys come on too strong and I ain't a fan of that)

So at the end of the day I wish to be somewhere by a lake drinking coffee from a camping mug with my dog reading a book, writing a little, maybe even drawing. Just me and my dog and beauty.

Why do I enjoy solitude so much?

Portland Part 2

Currently I'm in a bed and breakfast outside of Portland (Tigard), naked eating nutter butters and takis, watching the food network. This week was something I really needed although very tiring. I spent most of the trip by myself, I do want to write a post about the people I met along the way.

Ryan: You inspire me in every way possible. I admire you and I wished I asked you more about how you do what you do. A little synopsis of this man is he's been out of his house since 17 just traveling with little to no money. He's also has good music taste which is a plus. 

Peter: My favorite Dutchman. Thank you for taking the time to listen and try and understand my issues as a black women in America. Also thank you for the Blue Star doughnut recommendation. I don't care what anyone says Blue Star has the best doughnuts around.

Joe: The kindest New Yorker around. I really wish you the best in medical school. Thank you for offering to share your fries with me. You are cool no matter what you think. Hopefully we cross paths if I'm ever in New York in the lower east side.

That older couple I met at that one brewery: Thank you for the pizza. Thank you for your knowledge. Thank you for your non judgement.

Barista at the coffee shop named Barista that looked like Zoe Kravitz: Thank you for your beer suggestion that almost was like Framboise. You are also very beautiful.

The boy with the white gauges at the letlive. show hitting the fucking two step: I'm in love with you (superficially) Don't ever get out of the scene and keep fucking dancing. People like you make shows enjoyable and I love your energy. ( I'm giving you side eye the fucker thrashing at Seahaven! I don't even care if you're  friends with the band, you suck)

The black guy working at Blue Star: you are amazing and made my day. I wish I got your name. Thank you for the free doughnut. I'm forever grateful. (This is how much I love blue star)

Ho: you are a sarcastic asshole but underneath your devils advocate humor, you are kind and generous. I hope you find what you like to do.

Ben: you are also a person who inspires me. You say you're an introverted person but it's a hard thing to believe. Your charm is unbelievable and I believe it will get you far. Believe it or not I think it already has. I believe you will do great things. I hope you get to open a brewery or winery. I hope you can find your way to America. (I would of married you and then got a divorce when you got a citizenship lmfao) I won't forget when you were blacked out drunk and try to show me your dick (non sexually) but I'm pretty sure you won't forget me either.

I love every time I go to a new place I meet new people that make me want to keep going, makes me what to do better. This trip especially at the end made me believe I can do anything. I've never felt so euphoric in my life.

Portland

So I'm still in Portland but let me give you a breakdown since I've been here.

Okay when I first get her I get an uber to my hostel which is super cute and the people here are super friendly. It's called the Travelers House. 10/10 would recommend. But the uber driver was telling me how Portland has got insanely expensive and she can't afford to buy a house here anymore. An older couple at a brewery mentioned that there was a black community in Portland before and they got pushed out. Yikes.

I get to the hostel and I started hanging out with these three guys. Ryan, Ben, and Peter. They were super cool and two of them were foreign and it's weird to throw American references out there and people not understand them. That's when you know you are fucking American.

We played some crazy 8s, card against humanity, got some ice cream and some weird Korean Mexican fusion food. 

I didn't get to say bye to Ben or Peter which I'm kinda sad about but this trip was to be alone but I'm too polite and friendly lmfao. 

The next day I get up super early and start walking I'm pretty sure I walked over ten miles. Saw some cute shops and what not. (But I'm like super broke dude it's not even funny) some people asked me to be part of a photo shoot where I was just sat on a bench and looked at my phone. In the end though they bought me ice cream which was cool.

I went to a dispensary and got some legal weed. Life is fucking beautiful! Then went to a brewery and talked to some people.

I also want went see Seahaven which was a nice experience but was kinda ruined by one of their friends just trying to mosh and thrash on people. Seahaven is sad boi music you feel, so I wasn't feeling it. Also I wanted to faint when I got there because I was cross faded and walked like three miles to get there and it was hot as fuck. I wasn't a hundred percent and most of the time I had RBF but I still had a good time.

Okay but at the show there was this guy and like he wasn't super cute or anything but when letlive. came on he got super into it. He would actually dance like dancing you would see at a fucking club but it worked and then he would hit the two step. That boy didn't know what he was doing to me lmfao but the hoe dayzzz are over.

My man friend called me yesterday when I was at the show. I am super hot and cold about this whole weird ass relationship that seems to be going too fast but it was so nice to hear his voice. It was nicer to hear him say he missed me. Being in like is stressful but wonderful at the same time.

Update

I leave to Portland tomorrow and I'm super excited. I've been wanting to go for years and I'm finally going. I'm also in very strong like and it's strange.

Random Thoughts

Life has went 0-100 my friends and real quick. 

I'm actually dating someone like it's legit. I have spent everyday with him for the past two weeks. It's weird. I'm so hot and cold about it because I overthink and if you have read my past entries I'm not a relationship person. I really like him though. He makes me happy and even though he kinda irritates me I always want to be around him. There's a lot of issues already, not really bad but there are still issues. It's going a little too fast I think for the both of us. He just got out of a relationship two months ago. I was really about to write men off before we started talking (probably wouldn't have worked out though lmfao). It's really weird but all we can do is take it one day at a time.

I have been reading a lot of cookbooks lately and I don't know I feel inspired you can say. I'm dabbling in meat eating and some dairy consumption at the moment but everytime I do I feel like I've made a mistake. Hopefully my stomach will go back to normal soon. I've always been passionate about food. I don't know where this resurgence has came from though. 

I'm starting to hate my job more and more everyday. Good news I leave to Portland in a week and I'm nervous but excited at the same time. Then I'm going to Vegas after that!

I'm getting nervous because I have a big trip plan for next year and I really haven't began to prepare for it. I realize it's a lot sooner than I realize. Shit is stressful.

You know the worse things about being in like with someone? The loss of control. I realize I'm an extreme control freak. I need to stop.