This is the most emotional I've been in a long time.

When I start to feel confident something happens where I begin to question myself. I've been thinking about my future a lot and all I know is I want to travel and I have this crazy plan that I wanted to go through with in February but I realize it's closer than I thought and I'm super fucking anxious about it. I wish I could be super confident all the time, it would make my life a hundred percent easier.

One of my cousins that I grew up with is moving to Japan tomorrow with her family. It didn't really hit me until like earlier today. Thanksgiving aren't going to be the same. Christmas isn't going to be the same. I feel like my family is disappearing and it's fucking with me a little.

My mom keeps venting me about my dad and it's fucking with me. It makes me very jaded about the idea of love. (Like I already wasn't)

I've been dating someone for two months. I do like him a lot but lately I feel like I deserve better and why do I put up with his shit. I don't know if it's because I'm scared that I'm becoming vulnerable to someone because it's been a long time or if he really is an asshole and I shouldn't put up with his shit.

I cried today and I don't remember the last time that I have. I was riding my bike listening to Beach House and something came over me. I felt like I couldn't breathe and then tears just started coming out.

You know I feel like I've been also losing myself a little. Maybe it's because I haven't been home and on vacation for the past two weeks but I need to get back into the groove. I've just been sleeping, working, and hanging out with my man friend. I haven't read or written anything. 

Everything will be good, everything will be fine. Life is still beautiful.