I think I'm really into cutting people out of my life. All the people I go out and party with aren't my true friends and everyday it becomes more evident. I do care about them but it's not replicated and I do not care for relationships like that. I realize more of them don't know a damn thing about me and I feel like I can't talk to them unless I'm really drunk. I feel like I've been a little bitter with how they been picking and choosing but I'm just tired of childish shit, things with no substance. Really just tired of shitty friendships because when something goes wrong in my life or I want to vent I don't trust them or I don't feel like they are listening. I understand when you grow older why you have less friends. When I say I'm not going out with them anymore, I have to stick with it because I'm not going to do that shit anymore. I don't like how this makes me feel, how they make me feel.
Honestly I wish I wasn't so scared of rejection. It really holds you back.
I've been kinda irritable lately but it's because I really can't deal with people shit anymore. I feel like I let people walk all over me and I'm over it. But I'm happy and I feel great physically and sort emotionally (I'm still all over the place but I feel less drained) I can actually sleep at night and it's been years where I feel like I get solid sleep.
Prince died today and I did get super emotional about that. I named my first dog after Prince. The first time I ever touched myself was to a Prince song. I use to wear a raspberry beret in high school because of him. That man means a lot more to me than anyone can imagine.
I just want to work out and read and keep to myself. I think I let myself get socially overwhelmed and I am an introverted person. I really wish I could see my SF friends sooner.
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