I walked desperate but not hopeful. I opened the door and gazed up the stairs. Took a deep breath and got a whiff of pungent chain seafood restaurant smell. It would be my third interview and I only had twenty dollars in my name for a month. My shy nature was getting me nowhere, in college, in a proper social life, and a job search.
Took another deep breath and walked up the stairs. I remembered like it was yesterday. I was greeted quickly by Mikey. The best quick description is a dark haired Ken doll. He was warm and reassuring. It made me less nervous than I usually am. He told me to sit at a booth, 201, a manager would be right with me.
You came out from the kitchen doors wearing double denim and a backward's cap brown long hair peaking out from the sides. I looked at you and you smiled gently. I felt all my blood had sank to my feet but somehow my head, my mind was floating away. I don't know why but I knew it was you. You came straight to me knowing I was already interviewing. You politely introduced yourself, ask me what job I was interviewing for, and told me not to be nervous. You then left down the stairs. It was a quick interaction but one that's has been etched deep in my memory.
The managers soon came after than and to my surprise I was hired on the spot. I was excited, blissful. I got out of the restaurant quick with a wide grin quickly dialing my boyfriend, telling him the good news. I was happy because it was a matter of survival but at the point I couldn't stop thinking of you.
That's when I knew I had to stay away, that's when I knew there was going to be trouble. And there was, a lot of it.
I tried my best to stay away. You tried to make small conversation but my shy nature blew you off. But you kept trying until she came a few month later and you guys started dating. I was devastated and I didn't know why.
Summer had passed and I had been hell and back with my boyfriend. I was confused because I had this magnetic romantic attraction for a stranger, more than I had ever felt for my boyfriend but I couldn't leave and I wouldn't.
My boyfriend came to visit me one night around Halloween. He was broke but I was desperate to see him so I paid for his train ticket to San Francisco. We had got in a slight argument. He looked into my eyes and said "You are the reason I'm failing." That was the moment I was done, I was done before I even knew I was done.
I got invited to a party at HER house and I accepted. You guys recently went on a break because she cheated on you. It was the first time I got drunk. I threw up Coors light all over the backyard but no one knew. I somehow ended up alone with you in the living room. We sat down on the couch. You put your arm around me and asked "Why don't we hang out more?"
"Because I like you."
A friend interrupted our conversation.
"She wants to talk to you."
You looked at me and said "I'll be right back."
The craziest thing happened, I wish I was lying. Her roommate chased the rest of the party goers out of the house with a knife. Maybe it was fate saying this wasn't a good idea? We both ignored it.
You broke it off with her that night and asked for my number the next day.
Ice skating around the holidays in Union Square & intimate friend settings. It was a nice week with you until I decided I should break up with my boyfriend.
I couldn't and I wouldn't.
You got back with her. I was upset but honestly what did I expect?
FAST FORWARD
A long period of not talking, drag show, a text saying fuck it I'm over it, a kiss shared between us on her birthday, a movie with Aaron, Bi-rite, the winter BBQ, Kennedy's, unanswered texts and phone calls, your going away party, your elopement, friendsgiving, your wedding, my breakup, and your separation.
Years later I see a notification on my phone (Message from YOU)
My hearts begins to race. The blood sinks to my feet, but my soul floats. My palms begins to sweat.
Nothing has changed from since I walked up those stairs.
I can't.
Why?
No.
Oh God please!
Fate or a test?
No comments:
Post a Comment