What is settling?

Just a few days ago, a dear friend came to visit me. We talked about a lot since we hadn't seen each other in two months but one conversation in particular has lingered in my mind.

I have been single for a year. In all honest, I've enjoyed it. I really haven't want to date anyone because I figured a lot about myself, I held back of myself a lot in my old relationship, maybe that's why it was so unhealthy? Recently I have a little change in heart though. I feel like a relationship would be a little nice addition. I still have a lot of growing to do before I can take it seriously (I have severe intimate issues physical and emotional)

But it's brings me back to the conversation I had with my friend. Are my standards too high or am I'm not willing to settle?

Let me explain.

Valentine's Day 2016: I'm sitting on my couch with my two dogs lazily watching youtube videos before work. I hear my doorbell but just ignore it. It only rang once so I found it kinda odd. I opened the front door to see a bowl of primroses, red roses and baby breath arrangement, a cactus, a bouquet of yellow roses, and a dog toy. The bouquet was for my mother. It was a very nice gesture that got to me, and not much does. It was from a guy who's liked me for quite awhile.

This guy I get along with him very well. I can be completely myself around him which is honestly rare. My main issue with him is he's young in age and demeanor. My number one rule is if you can't sit at a bar than you can't sit with me. Bar culture not to be dramatic but I'm going to be: the root of my being. He graduated high school a year ago and I feel like he hasn't truly grasped life in a sense like I have. I feel that sounds condescending but he doesn't have much experience in many things. He has no sense of adventure and takes no risk. I'm a wild child and like to take risk for the fun of it. I'm also not very attracted to him. Am I being vain? Do I need a person to keep me center? Are my standards just too high?

When do you look at yourself and say I'm asking for too much? I just know before I did settle and I
 was broken into pieces, that I barely put back together. But love, relationships are all about risk in your emotions. A risk I'm too scared to take again, but I have too. I claim not to be a romantic but love, romance is one of the only things I want in this life. I feel like Ethan Hawke's character in Before Sunrise. A romantic painted as a cynic. I'm glad at least I realize these things. How I'm going to overcome my fear of the possibility of being hurt again or a person knowing me in and out? I don't know yet. I just have to believe in myself. I've came so far.

I believe.
I believe.
I believe.